Great Intentions

I had plans to run yesterday, but we started the "closing of the pool" process.  We still need to siphon a couple more inches out of the pool, but we're just about ready to slap the cover on for the winter (insert sad face here).  So, we were active and outside the majority of the day- I counted my actual 10 minutes of exercise when I scooped the alpaca poop!

Speaking of good intentions, I want to share something that I've learned about myself in the past couple of weeks.  I belonged to a weight loss group for a few months.  I found that I was not allowing the group process to work for me- I was fighting the "diet" part for all it was worth.  I recently "resigned" (I didn't know what to call it, so that's the term I used).  I'm going to share the letter with you, and I would love to hear your feedback/thoughts/comments:

Hi ________,

I just wanted to get in touch with you and let you know that I am
“resigning” from __________.  I came to a realization last week when I sent a
message to (Name) about not making it to the meeting, and I want to try to
explain my thought processes about what I need right now:
When I explained I couldn't make it, (Name) sent back a simple text message
that said I could bring the kids and weigh in and leave.  What she said made
sense...
However, I realized something in my immediate reaction to that message. I do
not want my kids to know that I "weigh-in" every week. My momma instinct
tells me that it would not be good for the kids to think that "weighing in"
is the norm. Instinct tells me that I don't want my girls to think a scale
is so important that I'll drive 30 miles just to get on it and turn around
and go back home. This little twinge really, really drove the point home.
And guess what? I'm a girl just like my daughters are girls, and I don't
want to think I have to do that, either. It doesn't work for me.
Restricting myself and talking about not eating, deprivation, and weighing
less... It triggers me. It triggers me to binge like I USED to.

I thought about it this way: When I go to work out at the gym or go for a
run, I'm happy about it- I want my kids to know that I'm working, improving
my health, feeling better, and doing things that will help my body work
better. I talk to them about it, because it's GOOD and I want them to like
it and learn from the good habits I'm picking up- I also talk to them about
the bad habits I have.  I talk about not liking how I feel when I don't
exercise or when I eat lots and lots of junky stuff and get a tummy ache...
That's the real life stuff; not the scale. The scale has had too much power
over me for too long. The attitude of "diet" has had too much control, too.
I need to do things that make my body better. And I have to say, when I look
at it from this standpoint, I get a pretty clear picture:

Things I do with my body/health that might not be good for my kids to know
about... well, I don't want to do that, because it's not right for me,
either.

So, for me, I don't think __________ is the positive influence I want it to be.
This is the way I think- I'm not saying ___________ is wrong. Please don't think
I'm saying that. Studies have shown that it works.  I'm just celebrating
that I have enough self-awareness to know that it's not the right fit for
me.

Thank you for everything- You and the rest of the group are the reason I
struggled with this decision.  You are a phenomenal group of women, and I
will miss seeing all of you.